Pierrot the Clown
by PrettyLittleMasochist
Summary: When Ciel hands his newest member of the Phantomhive crew a mission to take out a kidnapper she never thought she'd find a man who could break through her walls and pull tight the fraying threads that held her broken form together. When it comes down to it she'll have to choose between the boy who saved her from her grim past or the man who saved her mind and soul. JokerXOC


_**Title:**_ _Pierrot the Clown_

 _ **Rating:**_ _M_

 _ **Warning:**_ _Strong language, intense gore, disturbing imagery and sexual content._

 _ **Fandom:**_ _Black butler/Kuroshitsuji/Book of circus_

 _ **Pairing:**_ _JokerXOC_

 _ **Summary:**_ _When Ciel hands his newest member of the Phantomhive crew a mission to take out a kidnapper she never thought she'd find a man who could break through her walls and pull tight the fraying threads that held her broken form together. When it comes down to it she'll have to choose between the boy who saved her from her grim treacherous past or the man who saved her mind and soul._

 _ **Authors Note:**_ _Years ago, after first reading about the Noah's Ark Circus in the Kuroshitsuji Manga, I fell in love with the characters and wanted to write a fanfiction, that came out in the form of a fic I entitled_ " _Smile"_ _, In some aspects, I am happy with what I wrote, but now that I'm older, and undoubtedly a better writer, I'm making another attempt at a fic I love._

 _ **PS.**_ _For anyone who is reading this fic because they read_ " _Smile"_ _before, Thank you, thank you for all of your support, you're amazing!_

* * *

 _ **Chapter One: His Maid; Resolved**_

 _ **The residence of Aleistor Chamber, London, 1888**_

" _Vill you kill me?" the words slipped softly from my trembling lips. Dark ringlet curls fell over my exposed shoulders like black silk. Violent shudders wracked my body as I drew my knees up against my chest. Purple satin pooled around my waist as I felt his eyes on me._

" _My my, what a tell tale look you have." the raven haired man mused softly. "Trembling, sick to your stomach, are you not? Yes, you are. The rings under your eyes suggest you haven't slept."_

" _UBIRAYSYA!" my voice cracked and my stomach twisted up in knots. I didn't have the strength to scream._

" _Is it laudanum?" he smirked. "A dangerous thing for such a small girl to be addicted to."_

" _Ot"yebis'!" I whined. Every fiber of my being hated him. How dare he come into this room just to mock me?_

" _Quite a mouth you have on you."_

" _Just leave…..please…" I begged. "I dunno' vhat' Schet sent you up for, but as you can see, I haven't got much use left in me."_

" _He did not send me here, Miss. Though I can see what he has done." his voice deepened and he leaned forward, placing a gloved finger beneath my chin. "He's chained you, like an animal, starved you to keep you weak and used this addiction of yours to keep you from even thinking of running." his eyes were crimson, they made me want to throw up._

" _What else can you tell me about this Count of yours?"_

" _Vhy' do you' vant to know?" I snapped bitterly, jerking my head away._

" _I am conducting an investigation." he explained smoothly. "I would appreciate wrapping this up quickly so if you have any helpful information, perhaps I could cater to the withdrawal ravaging that starved body of yours."_

" _I am not a dog chasin' a bone." I quipped._

" _I think deep inside, that is all any of us are, but if I can't bait you, perhaps I could convince you." again, he tipped my chin up with a smirk._

" _I bet zat' vorks for you. Zat smirk. I sing' it's bo'zersome! Leave!"_

" _There is nothing you want from me? No exchange of any kind?"_

" _Kill me."_

" _Why do you want to die so badly?"_

" _Look at me? Vhy vould I vant to live?"_

" _You are young, barely sixteen from the looks of you."_

" _Zat doesn't mean anysing. Life isn't kind' doesn't mattar' ze' age."_

" _If I agreed to kill you, do you believe you could be of use to me?"_

" _Da. Vill you kill me if I am?"_

" _No." that sickening smirk slithered across his lips._

" _Vhy are you doin' zis?" tears bubbled up to the corners of my pink eyes._

" _Because you have survived, even in this condition, so young. I believe there is another quality of life for you." The raven haired man explained._

 _My gaze shifted and I looked away "If he finds you here...he vill kill me for helpin' you."_

" _Do you not want to die?"_

" _Not by his hand."_

" _The Count is important to you than?"_

" _Is hard to explain." my voice broke._

" _You have a choice to make now."_

" _I have already made it."_

" _What will you do."_

" _I gave you a chance, butler."_

 _My knees knocked together as I turned my pink eyed gaze upward. A pair of crimson eyes met my own and I felt anger burning through my veins. "If you von't kill me…" I tore my arm aggressively across the bed and cast the satin sheet to the floor. A soft rustle filled the air as I shifted forward on my knees and grabbed the handcuffs from the night stand._

 _The bed creaked as I leapt over the mahogany footboard. My free hand gripped the laple of his cocktail coat as I slashed animalistically at his throat with the open end of the cuffs. Gloved fingers snatched my wrists, steadying my shaken form. "One thing is for sure, you are a long way from home." his red eyes peered into my pink ones._

" _A-are you mocking me, still?" My face twisted into an irritated scowl._

" _Of course not." his voice was a lull, unlike anything I'd ever heard before. "I will not kill you, Miss, I will however, offer you another solution." His mouth formed a sickly smirk. "One I think we will both find rather beneficial."_

 _His smile reminded me of maggots crawling around on the remains of some poor dead creature. It made my stomach turn in the worst way possible. "How would you like a job?" long fingers glad in white silk slipped beneath my chin, tipping my head upward._

" _A job?" I repeated slowly, unsure. I'd never been more afraid of anything in my life._

* * *

 _ **Phantomhive Manor, London, 1890**_

"Thanks so much, Katya." Meyrin mumbled from where she stood in the corner of the room. Her hands were folded politely in front of her as she stared shamefully at the floor.

I finished making the young master's bed and offered my friend a curt nod. "Da, Is no big deal." my voice was hushed.

"Oh but it is! Sebastian'll start yellin' again when he finds out I lost my glasses again!"

"V'll find zem' before 'e can start anysing." I promised as I grabbed the broom I'd come in with, followed by Meyrin's delicate hand.

Our footsteps echoed softly on the wood floor as we ushered our way down the corridor toward the main stairway. "I can't see a thing, Katya!" Meyrin quipped as I started down the steps.

"I know." I giggled softly giving her hand a tug. "Zis is why I hold your hand." The young master had woken up only thirty minuets ago and so it was safe to assume Sebastian's hands were full for the time being.

As I led her down the steps, I kept an eye on my friend's footing, making sure she didn't fall. "Very good, Meyrin." I mused as she tripped off the last step and into my arms with as little grace as humanly possible. Her face turned toward mine, blush stained her cheeks and she smiled an apologetic smile.

I smiled back and blew my bangs out of my face with a huff of breath. "Regain your footing." I snickered. An explosion shook the house, knocking both Meyrin and I to the floor. My body rolled across the cherrywood until I smacked the wall. Meyrin groaned, she'd fallen back against the steps.

"What in the-" She wheezed.

"Derr`mo! Baldroy." I groaned as I shifted to my feet, turning my gaze toward the kitchen down the hall. Black smoke flooded the door was and my lips twisted into a deep set frown.

"Meyrin, are you alright?" I had to check before anything else.

"I'm okay, yes I am." the red head quipped in a dazed tone.

"Khorosho." I muttered, exhaling in pure irritation. It was always something in this house. "Just...stay zare." my hand waved her off in a flippant manner. "You can't see and you von't be much help."

"Okay." she squeaked. I broke into a full sprint toward the kitchen. My hand caught the doorframe and I swung my body inside rather aggressively.

The smoke cleared and revealed Bard on the floor, his back was leaned up against a broken counter piece. "Katya, fancy seein' you-"

"Kakogo cherta vy delali?" it came out frantic and demanding.

"English love." A charming smirk held his features beneath all the soot and bruising.

My dark brows knitted together as the corners of my lips turned down with distaste.

"I've actually heard you say that one enough to know what it means." The cook snickered as he shifted to his feet.

"Vere you trying to cook vith za' damn flame Zro-"

His blue eyes turned eager.

"Vhat?" I demanded as I put my hands on my hips.

"Everytime!" He cackled.

"Every-...Vhat?"

"You can't pronounce thrower." Bard mused. "It's my favorite part of this argument."

Blood rushed heat to my cheeks as I took a few steps toward him.

"It's kind of cute."

My hand found the handle of a frying pan. "You never learn-" I raised the pan high above my head, ready to beat the ever loving shit out of the cook. Gloved fingers caught my wrist, stopping me from carrying out my plan.

"Katya, while I can see that Baldroy deserves this, the young master would like a word with you."

The blonde stopped laughing completely. Sebastian was in the room now, and he knew he was in trouble.

"Vere is 'e?" I asked softly, setting the pan back down as I turned to look up at Sebastian.

"You will find him in his study, do your best not to keep him waiting."

"On it." my voice was flat.

As I walked down the hall, I could hear Sebastian telling Bard what for. Serves him right. I rarely ever agreed with Sebastian, in fact, I didn't really get along with him much at all but we could agree unanimously on two simple subjects. The first being the young master and the second being Baldroy and his destructive behavior.

I knocked twice on master Ciel's door, waiting for his curt "Come in."

When he finally answered, I quietly opened the door and shut it behind me. Ciel was seated behind his work desk, where he spent most of his day. That always made me kind of sad, he was a child and he never acted like one.

"Have a seat, Ekaterina." he sounded a little stressed out, in one hand, he held a pen and in the other a spoon. The spoon was being used to stir five ounces of sugar into an eight ounce cup of tea.

My eyes lidded as I took a seat across from him and folded my hands in my lap. "Vhat did you vant to see me about?"

"I was hoping you'd be able to complete a task for me." He answered quietly, never once looking up from the paperwork on his desk.

"Anysing." I owed him my life.

"As you know it is my job as the Queen's guard dog to dispel any worries she may have."

I nodded, it wasn't something that required a verbal response.

"She happens to think the circus that just came to town is linked to a string of kidnappings." Ciel explained slowly, signing the bottom right corner of a lengthy document.

I raised an eyebrow, it wasn't like the young master to send the staff to do his investigating for him. "Vhat does zat 'ave to do with me?"

"To put it simply, Sebastian and I are still cleaning up the mess from our last case and if the circus is involved with these kidnappings, I would rather them not see my face just yet. Should I need to infiltrate them further, it would help if my face weren't familiar."

"Understood."

"All I need you to do is go to the circus and get close to the ring leader. If they are in fact a ring of kidnappers, he will most likely be the heart of it."

"Viz all due respect, master Ciel, I am not so good at...makin' friends." My fingers played nervously with the lace hem of my apron.

"On the contrary, Ekaterina, I think this ring leader will find you charming and relatable."

"Oh?" I cocked my head to the side in question.

"We are talking about a traveling circus, I imagine his upbringing was not favorable, probably an orphan or something close." His eye lidded, long lashes cast shadows over his ivory cheek as he closed a book of records. "I also imagine that he's not from around here…on those two fronts, you can relate."

"Da." I agreed slowly, softly.

"Under no circumstances should you let him know where you work. Feel free to throw your occupation out there, it is a conversational topic after all, however, do not mention the Phantomhive name. I am not entirely sure if they know enough to relate the name to the Queen or the London yard, I'm sure you understand."

"Da."

Ciel lifted his tea cup to his ivory lips and took a sip. "I have the utmost faith in you, Ekaterina. I know you won't disappoint."

"I vill do my best." I offered him a small smile.

"It's decided than. I've already had Sebastian set out an outfit for you to wear. You'll find it on your bed. I expect you'll be out late, that being said, I will very likely be asleep long before you return." a small clank lingered on the air as he dropped his spoon in the empty cup. "I will receive your report first thing in the morning."

"Da, milord."

* * *

 _ **The Noah's Ark Circus, London**_

Colorful lights danced over red and orange tapestries and streamers. What seemed like hundreds of people from all walks of life gathered beneath one brightly lit tent to see what was being referred to as "the greatest show on earth". Master Ciel's ticket placed me in the very back row. I took a seat between a pair of young men. The outfit Sebastian had laid out for me was meant as a tool to help me blend in with the crowd. A simple grey coat that hung rather big on my frame, a scarf, it trailed down to my heels, a rag gown, colored brown and purple, it hemmed at my knees, beneath it I wore black tights and my usual brown boots. As the show was beginning, I worked my hair back into a loose ponytail. Winter air nipped at my nose, it didn't bother me much, I was born in Russia, I spent the first fifteen years of my life there, the cold feels like home.

I leaned back into my chair, stretching my legs out as I crossed my arms comfortably. A warm breath slipped from my lips as everything went quiet. Grand red curtains rustled as they parted, revealing a young man.

He leaned up from a gentleman's bow, keeping one hand behind his back, four colorful balls were held between the skeletal fingers of the hand he positioned over his chest. "Ello Lasses and Lads! I'll be y'er host tonight! Please, call me Joker!" he mused playfully as a captivating smirk took to his lips. Lavender eyes lit with a vibrant splendor as he took a step forward.

I shifted forward, squinting to get a better look at the ring leader. He was a tall man, his hair was red and styled rather intricately. By the sound of his accent, I had to assume he was irish or something close to it.

"Welcome, to the greatest show on earth!" he tossed the colorful balls up into the air, juggling them with his skeletal hand as he gestured to the air with the other. Lights flashed against the tightrope as a beautiful young lady clad in white flowers took a daring stroll across the highwire.

Behind the girl, a pair of young trapeze artists flew through the air, tumbling gracefully into each other's hands as they swung from platform to platform. From a corner on stage, a bright blaze stole the show. He was a tall bald man, a fire breather.

I placed my fingers against my chin as I pursed my lips in thought. This was a rather amazing show, I'd never seen another circus like it, and if I hadn't lived in the Phantomhive manor for the last two years, I'd be impressed.

Daggers flew through the air as smoke cleared and targets appeared. Each knife met its mark as an energetic blonde with bits of brown in his hair danced out onto the stage, taking his place beside the fire breather.

A tiger's roar cut through the air followed by the sharp crack of a whip. I bit my lower lip, animal cruelty had always been a rather touchy subject for me. The beast tamer was a beautiful young woman with large breasts and a look to her that was anything but innocent.

The first thing I noted was that she had a prosthetic leg, well crafted but undeniably fake. The ring leader also had a prosthetic arm. _Hmmm._ My thoughts hummed. Incomplete bodies would make kidnapping quite a chore. They seemed to be a rather ordinary group of carnies.

"I can see that my family is excited to perform for you!"

The crowd cheered, I clapped my hands together, peering over the heads of those in front of me. The show was a long one. I spent a great deal of time looking at the people around me, for a sign of the missing children but I found nothing.

So far they'd made it through the beast taming act, the highwire, and the fire breather. "C'mon." I whispered under my breath as I chewed my lower lip.

"For this next act!" The ringleader bellowed, "We'll be choosin' a vict-" he was clearly joking. "Er…" he laughed, and it was musical. "Volunteer from the audience." lights chased over the rows we were all seated in.

I started to bite my nails, if they chose a child, that could- "Hey!" I snapped as tiny hands pulled at the scarf around my neck. It was the trapeze kid from earlier. His mischievous little face stared up at me as he pulled at the tail of my scarf.

"Looks like brother Peter found exactly what we're looking for!" The redhead exclaimed. "Who've ya got there, Peter?" he grinned. My heart was pounding hard against my rib cage, but this was a chance for closer examination.

A bright light shined directly into my eyes as I hesitantly shifted to my feet. _This is for the young master. This is for Ciel._ I swallowed the knot in my throat as I followed the child down the aisle. All the while, I could feel Joker staring at me.

"C'mon lady!" The child giggled as he rushed up onto the stage, taking my scarf with him. Joker stood just inches away from me now.

The lights dimmed slightly and I felt a migraine setting in. My heart was finally beginning to calm as I exhaled slowly.

"She's scared." A voice hissed playfully from the shadows. It belonged to one of the performers but I couldn't make out which one. I glanced over my shoulder, looking for the culprit but saw only the darkness past the curtains.

Long fingers guided my face back toward the ring leader. "Lass, would ye help me with a trick?" his smile was dazzling. It was easy to tell why he was the ring leader, a smile that captivates for miles.

I blinked a few times in response "I don't know any tricks." it came out in a rasp.

"Com'on now, I'll only ask ye to stand there" He promised, keeping his charming smile plastered on his face. Vibrant eyes shined with the intensity of the sun.

I felt my cheeks going pink as I bit my lower lip and gently pushed his hand away from my face. "I-"

"This lass is just a lil' shy." he turned his head, talking to the audience. "She needs a lil' encouragement!" The tent filled with a rally of cheers that spread from one row to the next.

"They believe in ye." Joker smirked. "Besides, I'm up here with ye!" he chuckled. "I wouldn't let nothin' hurt a pretty lil lass like y'erself." another promise.

I stared back at him quietly, feeling my cheeks go a few shades darker. "Peter brought ya all the way up here, I already got the crowd goin' wild for ye, ya'd be hurtin' my feelin's if ya said 'no' now." he mused, playful electricity ran through his irises.

He held out his left hand for me. "Trust me?" he smirked.

I slowly placed my hand in his palm, long fingers clasped my smaller one tightly. He was asking me to trust him, that wasn't something I was good at, but I could at least expect that if he was a killer, he wouldn't hurt me in front of so many witnesses.

"All ye'll need to do is walk to me." Joker whispered softly, reassuring me that everything would be alright.

"Really?" I was slightly taken aback. "Just valk to you?"

He took a few steps back and smiled, "Yes, that's all, just walk to me."

"O-okay." I whispered breathlessly.

"Atta' girl." He continued backing up until he was on the far end of the stage.

Without warning or sound, the trapeze artists appeared on either side of me. The small boy who'd pulled me up onto the stage was on my right, and on my left stood a young girl with beautiful light brown hair.

She was his exact size, they both looked so young it was hard to believe how fearless they seemed swinging twonfro so high above the stage earlier in the show. "H-hello." I looked back and forth between the two of them, slowly.

"Hi there!" The girl chirped. "You can call me, Wendy."

"Vendy." I whispered quietly, looking her over.

"Your accents' funny."

"Zat's a lil' rude." I chided her with a teasing smile. I knew my accent was a little funny, it started phasing in and out a year ago and it didn't sound quite the same as it used to.

Lights dimmed until everything was pitch black. My heart dropped into my stomach as I looked around in the darkness. In a flicker of light, Joker appeared, standing with his hand out stretched on the other end of the stage. The next set of lights lit the place I stood in. Between us was a long stretch of darkness.

Wendy and the young boy had disappeared. The crowd was silent. Joker told me to walk toward him. I was unsure of what was going to happen when I took a step forward and that made me more nervous than words could say. Slowly, I strided forward.

A set of colored lights floated upward, my head snapped back and a loud shriek befell my lips as Wendy dropped down out of nowhere. Her legs were slung over a trapeze that dangled from the ceiling. Her hands caught mine as she pulled me into the air with her. Wires moved and I felt myself going light headed. It may have been the fact that we were so high the highwire looked like a shortfall or the bright lights in my eyes.

In response to my screaming, Wendy only giggled "Calm down, kid, I won't let you fall!"

 _Kid?_ My thoughts whispered and I raised an eyebrow in confusion. The blonde boy swung toward us, catching me by the feet as he pulled me away from Wendy. My hands flew up over my mouth as I squeezed my eyes shut. Cool air washed over my face. When I opened my eyes, I noted Wendy standing on a platform positioned above Joker's head. Below it, there were two more platforms. She placed her hands on the trapeze and swung forward. Part of me was worried she'd slam into us. She didn't, She caught old of me and the blonde boy leapt elegantly into the air, catching the trapeze with his legs. Wendy helped me onto a platform, positioned in the center of the back of the stage. I felt my legs going numb as I looked down.

"How're ya feelin?" Wendy asked as someone in the balcony high above us dropped a large spool of red ribbon into her hands.

"Not so good." I admitted.

"Are ya scared."

"Da. A little bit."

"Don't be, Peter and I won't let anything 'appen. That'd be bad for business, love."

While we stood there, hidden by the shadows, Peter was putting on a show of his own, a platform down from us. As the little blonde swung place to place, a storm of blue glitter rained down on him. Elegant red ribbon, like the ribbon Wendy held in her hands now, followed his every move.

"How on earz do ya' pull all zis off?" I whispered, casting my gaze toward Wendy.

"Lot'a practice, Lot'a mistakes, Lot'a glitter." She smiled a quirky smile as the fire breathe lit several sparklers that lined the border of the stage. "That's our que."

"Vat are we going to do?"

"It's a surprise." She giggled as she picked something up from behind us. It was the scarf Peter had taken from me when he first pulled me up on stage. She'd tucked her spool of ribbon somewhere in her outfit, I couldn't find it for the life of me. "Just do as I say and everythin'll be fine, got it?"

"And if I don't?"

"There's a safety net in place in case ya fall."

"In case I-"

"Just don't fall, ya'd be ruinin' a good show." The tiny girl snickered as a trapeze was pushed toward us out of the darkness. With a hold on my scarf, she gripped the wire with her free hand. "C'mon."

"Come on, vat?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Zis." Peter appeared behind me, mocking my accent as he shoved me off the platform. My silver eyes went wide as I screamed at the top of my lungs. The two of them swung over my falling form. Peter hung by his legs while Wendy clang to the wire striking a beautiful pose with her leg extended.

Everything had gone numb in my head, if the audience was making any noise, it sounded far away to me. Peter's hands caught another trapeze as he swung backward. Around his ankle, was one end of my scarf, Wendy still held the other end in her free hand as she leapt to a lower Trapeze. Glitter dusted my cheeks as red ribbon streaked across my vision. I closed my eyes, waiting for the safety net she'd mentioned.

Instead I found my entire body cocooned in a bind of red ribbon. Red was all I could see. I couldn't move my arms or legs. My heart started to race, all I knew for sure was that I was still suspended in the air. Bit by bit, the ribbon started to unravel around me. The way I could feel it tugging in different directions, I could only assume that Peter and Wendy were swinging back and forth again. "One!" It was Wendy's voice, I could almost move my fingers again.

"Two!" that was Peter.

One more tug and I fell threw the bottom of the ribbon cocoon the two had wrapped me up in. A loud shriek erupted from the depths of my throat, only to be silenced when I landed bridal style in someone's arms.

"Three." Joker whispered as I pushed my face into his shoulder, fisting at the purple cloak he wore as if letting go of him would be the end of the world. The way my heart beat against my chest reminded me of a kitten's heart beat. Rapid. I felt like I was going to burst.

Noise filled the air as the crowd burst into a standing ovation. Slowly, I turned my gaze upward, Wendy and Peter stood on separate trapezes, each with a leg kicked outward, their hands joined at the middle. Red ribbon wound it's way from Wendy's elbows to her wrists, and from Peter's ankles to his knees.

"Udivitel'no" I rasped breathlessly.

The beautiful girl, all dressed in roses walked back out onto the highwire. Out of the shadows around Joker and I, stepped the rest of the troops. The redhead gently shifted a bit, placing me on my feet. While they bowed, I remained upright, staring awkwardly at the standing ovation before me. The curtains closed, the crowd was no longer in my line of sight. Out of nowhere, my scarf fell perfectly around my neck, the tail dangling against my ankles once more. My head snapped back, I stared upward with wide silver eyes.

Wendy winked and offered me an adorable Grin as she swung back to her platform. "Let's start sweepin' this damn glitter up." The knife thrower groaned as he started toward the back of the stage.

"I'll go stand by the door, make sure Snake's snakes are where they're supposed to be." Peter stated flatly as he jumped from a low trapeze onto the floor.

"I'm comin' with ya!" Wendy ran to his side.

"Betty needs to go back in her pin." the beast tamer sighed walking past Joker and myself.

For a moment, I was lost in their world. I found myself staring at the firebreather as he held a small broom in his enormous hands, trying to help the knife thrower sweep the floor.

"Ya didn't scream nearly as much as I thought ya would, lass." his voice broke me from my thoughts.

"Admittedly I was so scared it was hard to breathe enough to make a sound, my voice got...caught in my zroat." I blushed a deep pink as I held my left arm with my right hand in a nervous manner.

"Haha!" he chuckled, "Least' y'er honest, eh?"

"Zat vaz a bit dangerous." I stated pointedly.

"Not at all, Lass." he explained kindly. "Brother Peter selected someone he knew'd be able to handle it. There was a net in place in case something went wrong, I promise, ye were never in any danger, uh-" His eyes were asking for my name.

"Ekaterina." I answered softly.

"Katherine." he repeated cheerfully, "Ye were always safe."

"Zat is not my-"

"Meet me in the middle will ye? Y'er name is quite a mouthful."

"Katya."

"Katya. I can say that much, darlin. Ye were such a lovely assistant and seeing as my troop gave ya quite a scare, allow me to walk ya' out?"

Perfect! That was a chance to talk to him one on one and I didn't have to initiate the conversation. "I vould like zat." I offered him a warm smile.

I followed Joker across the stage, his movements were slow, he made his way down a few steps and I chewed my lower lip, trying to think of something to say. _Damn it! I'm not good at making friends!_

"Normally I wouldn't pry into somethin' unusual bout' a person's appearance but I can't stop wonderin." His voice caught me off guard.

"Oh?" I raised a dark eyebrow in his direction as we slipped out the back entrance of the tent.

"What is it that makes y'er eyes pink?"

"A pigmentation issue." my voice was quiet. "It's also the reason I'm so pale."

"Oh I see, how interestin'!"

"Is rare, or zo' I've been told. I'm not all the way to albino but somesing is' off. Is just….kind of there." I shrugged as we passed several rows of crappily pieced together tents.

My eyes shifted from the tents, to the lights that decorated every sign that reached for the night sky. "It's amazing, all zis vork, you make everysing here so grand and beautiful….only to tear it all down after a week or so...doesn't that get...sad?"

"No!" he chimed, a soft smile caressed his lips. "Everytime we work to make it more beautiful. Plus the travelins' nice."

"I see, you like to travel then?"

He nodded, braids bounced over his shoulders as he gestured toward the tents around him, "The lot of us didn't get to see much growin' up. Essentially we came from the same place and as I'm sure ye've noticed, we're a collection of people with a common problem. Circus life has done us all real good, Lass, so don't fret."

"Glad to hear it." I whispered as I clasped my hands behind my back.

"And what about'ch ye?"

"Me?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Tis clear that ya travel, we're ya from?" he asked as a young girl bumped my shoulder as she passed by with a large box in her hands.

"Russia, I'm from Moscow."

"Long way from home, I see." He mused. "Why'd ya come here?"

My eyes lidded and I felt my heart beat hard against my chest, "It vas vhat Papa vanted."

"Oh I see, did he come here with ye?"

"Net."

He raised an eyebrow in my direction as we came to the exit, we were standing just below the "Noah's Ark Circus" banner that was all lit up in purple and white.

"No." I whispered just under my breath. "He didn't, but zats okay, I've been happy here."

"Glad to hear it, Lass. We all 'ave our homes, some we're born to and some we more or less make."

I drew my arms around myself, it was a bit chilly. "I know zis is true."

"Aye." he agreed. "The circus makes for a busy life but it's a good one all the same. Course' it ain't the circus that I call home."

"Oh?"

"It's the troop. Tents and lights make up a circus but the troop, they make up my home."

"I see, family." the word was almost heavy in my throat.

"What makes up y'er home, lass?"

"My home...is made up of-"

"KATYA!" Baldroy's gruff voice broke through the night air and I turned my head in it's direction.

"Zis means, now is time for me to go home." my breath showed on the cold air. "It waz' zo good to meet you, Zhokar."

"You as well, Lass." the redhead mumbled with a small smile. "Can I expect you at tomorrow' night's show?"

"Da."

"Perhaps ye'll bring some friends then?"

I shook my head "Perhaps ve' vill' talk again?"

I was never good at goodbye. It didn't matter if I was saying it to a stranger or someone I knew all my life. I always hated saying it. That being said, I didn't look back as I walked away. Circus lights dimmed in the corners of my vision as Bard rushed me into a strong hug. "Hey Sunshine." he muttered gruffly into my ringlet curls.

"We wanted to walk you home." Finny smiled sweetly.

"Yes we did! How did it go, Katya?" Meyrin asked as she laced her fingers with mine, giving my hand a squeeze.

"Spasibo, all of you. I didn't figure much out zo'."

Bard laughed "Don't be so hard on yourself, this investigation shit takes time. Ya won't have to do it often; it's rare for the young master to send one of us out to do this kind of stuff"

Meyrin nodded in agreement "He's right. Now let's go on back home and get you into a bath, you look pale tonight, yes you do" I had no idea what she was talking about. I was always pale my skin looked like ivory.

The walk home would have been pleasent had I not felt myself starting to get nauseous. I do acknowledge that I have an addiction to laudanum. I try to be as responsible with it as humanly possible. Twenty or so drops when I wake up, and twenty or so before bed. As long as it didn't interfere with my work, the young master didn't mind.

Sebastian let us into the manor and greeted us with one of his fake smiles. In my opinion Sebastian was not a good looking or hard working man, he was a freak of nature with a fake smile and eyes filled with senseless lies. It was like an aura he put out. Evil seeps through his skin. I could never figure out why, he did save me after all but at the end of the day, I never trusted Sebastian Michaelis.

I walked past the young master's room and decided to check on him. Barley opening the door I peered into the dark room. He was huddled up in his comforter and sheets, like they would protect him from his nightmares and the monsters under his bed. "Young master, you are still very much a child" I smiled to myself. Feeling exhausted I moved to close the door until I heard a tiny voice "Ekaterina, is that you?"

"yes" I responded quietly "I vanted to check on you"

"Come here" he said sternly, trying to sound commanding as he yawned in the most adorable way. I crossed the room to stand at his bed side "Da?" I asked sweetly.

"Tell me that one story" he muttered looking up at me through his one visible eye, the other was covered by his bangs. To me he was like my little brother, the one thing I still cared about in my life, the last person I considered to be my family. Ciel had made himself comfortable with me a year or so ago. He shows me venerability, but only at night, before he falls asleep. We never talk about it during the day. It's just more comfortable for him to remain cold to the world in the light of day. Darkness makes everyone vulnerable. I really believe that. I sat down on his bed and settled in so my arm was draped around him. He let himself settle as well and his blue eyes fell shut "Vonce in a place called Hamelin"

Ciel fell asleep after a short while and Sebastian and I switched places. He preferred to have Sebastian in the room while he slept. Dark ringlet curls fell over my shoulders as I made my way down into the servants quarters. It's a nice place to live, we each have a bedroom and there are two bathrooms, one for Mey-rin and I and then one for Bard, Finny and Tanaka.

The bathroom door closed behind me and I pulled the medicine cabinet open. On the shelf, staring back at me was a bottle full of brown syrupy liquid. Drawing in a deep breath, I rinsed the inside of my little eyedropper under hot water and gathered up my twenty drops. Addiction is pathetic. It makes people weak. I hate being this way.

 _One drop_

For sleep

 _Another_

For sanity

 _Another_

For the memories

 _Another_

For the aches

 _Another_

 _For the high_

 _Another_

 _For the need_

 _Another_

 _For the lies_

 _Another_

 _For the drive_

 _Another_

 _For the past_

 _Another_

 _For the anger_

 _Another_

 _Another_

 _Another_

 _Another_

 _Another_

 _Another_

 _Another_

 _Another_

 _Another_

 _Another…_

* * *

 **Authors Note:** Katya speaks Russian, so here's a guide to the terms she used this chapter.

 **Ubiraysa:** _Get out_

 _ **Ot"yebis':**_ _Fuck off_

 _ **Schet:**_ _The count_

 **Derr`mo:** _Shit_

 _ **Khorosho:**_ _Good_

 _ **Kakogo cherta vy delali:**_ _What the hell did you do?_

 _ **Udivitel'no:**_ _Amazing_

 _ **Net:**_ _No_

 _ **Da:**_ _Yes, Yeah_

 _ **Spasibo:**_ _Thank you_


End file.
